blame it on the stars
by her-eyes-fiery-pinpricks
Summary: this is a story about jessica and charlene as girlfriends. ive been waiting more than a month to publish this and its thanks to many people that i did. so thank you for all of the love.
1. starlight

**LONG A/N BUT VERY VERY IMPORTANT STUFF TO UNDERSTAND THE STORY =)  
darn i wanted to post last night but stuff happened so here it is**

**FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ****JORDAN FOR BEING AS STRONG AS HECK AND POSTING THAT A/N…AND COMING UP WITH THIS ADORABLE SHIP PRETTY MUCH. well in a way that formed into something else. a ridiculous number of oneshots from me and i dont even known how many jorjor did but you know i was the one who said they both spoke french so you all owe this magnificent happening to me**

**AND THEN I WOULD LIKE TO THANK KINGDOM KID FOR BEING UNBELIEVABLY BRAVE AND POSTING THAT BEAUTIFUL ONESHOT, AND BEING THE FIRST AND I WOULDN'T RATHER HAVE ANYONE ELSE BE THR FIRST BECAUSE THAT WAS INCREDIBLE**

**AND THANK YOU, FANDOM, FOR RESTORING MY FAITH IN HUMANITY…ILL ADMIT I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS KIND OF OUTPOURING OF LOVE AND SUPPORT OF THE SHIP BUT IM GLAD IT HAPPENED. AND IM GRATEFUL.**

**because in the world we live in its unfortunate that this has to be a touchy topic but we are one step closer to breaking down the walls and that is WONDERFUL. everyday we are making more and more progress to making this important...the lgbtqpia community is not one that is "separate" or "non-existent" in life and your life and the lives of others. hecks no. there are more allies than haters and that's astounding, really. the letters are becoming real to people and not just an acronym you wanna shy away from…so thank you for being amazing.**

**ive had this one for a month i guess. out of the (omg this number is insane) jesslenes ive done, there are like seven that are good and four that ok and some of them i would like to keep in the green on the thread but some? dude i am HECKA proud of. and some of them will def go on here, on this, this can be like a shot series.**

**i wont be updating this often bc im doing aia and stuff. but this won't be abandoned.**

**i wanted to go on a rant about why i am so passionate about this topic but to make it short ill say that i am tied, emotionally and for real, with this community and i pretty much have dedicated all my efforts for the rest of my life to further the acceptance. some people live in enviroments where its tough to be supportive but this is one effort that can benefit with one retweet or one word or encouragement or even one thought of love. i like to wear my raninbow gloves pink purple and blue pride bracelet and noh8 dogtag and be current with the latests lgbtqpia news and really just shove my love into everyone's face. but there are so many other ways to help…and they all help.**

**now to the fic. you love love love love charbeck and don't ship jesslene? wonderful! bc charbeck is perf and you don't have to ship every ship in the fandom…**

**don't ship jesslene because it's a gay pairing? lolol that's just stupid**

**bc really that's what it is**

**I HAVE AN AUDITION TONIGHT so im gonna ask for your well wishes and prayers bc its very big and ive been waiting and preparing for it for a very long time. =)**

**here is one thing jesslene has done for me: first person pov. dont expect any other shots to be 1pov. I just do it in here because it works.**

**in my mind…well, in one section of my brain that accepts a certain headcanon, the keepers got taken by the ots and got hurt real bad and jess got it maybe the worse. charlie has feelings for her (formed months before the capture) and j realizes she has feelings for charlie at some point in captivity…they broke out, and char and j got closer bc char was the only one there to help j when she was really really hurting. so, weeks after getting home, they told each other that they liked each other (i did it in this one shot ughh ill have to revise that like cray) and are now girlfriends…this is a little bit after…**

**blame it on the stars**

Maybe she's made of stars. As I'm driving down some vacant road, she cranes her head to see the above sky, and her wonder and astonishment is apparent, as she requests to stop the car and she scrambles out and props herself up on the hood, lying her head back on the glass. And I get out too.

Now we're just sitting, looking. Jess took the driver's side since she could see better there, and my view has some trees in it. What I see are a bunch of lights, maybe more than usual, I guess a bit clearer. Nothing extremely special. But she sees it as a whole new thing…and she never stops looking amazed…

And I say in my mind that she's made of stars because she seems connected with them, the way she knew they were special tonight or the way that she always shines bright but sometimes more than others but always…beautiful. I love her in moments like this. When she's so open. And so strong. Her arms are lying by her side with her hands playing with her braided belt…the scars are still there, still red, but she doesn't flinch and she's getting so good with dealing with what happed…

I found that I was muttering her name. /Jessica./ I do that a lot, absentmindedly. She turns her head to me, slightly. "Huh?"

"Oh, I was doing that again?" She nods. "Your name is too pretty."

"You're too pretty," she says. Then smiles. I laugh. I just have to. Won't respond, because I know all those comments about me being pretty or beautiful aren't real. I could never be, sitting next to her.

She shifts to lying on her side. She's not too far from me, since she is right next to me.

"This could be a date," I comment.

"Haven't we been on a couple already?"

"Well, yeah. I guess so."

"This would be, like, number three."

"Yeah. Okay. Third date."

I mean, we've gone out several times. She'll just text me sometimes that she feels like hanging out and we'll flail around somewhere. We have fun and we laugh a lot. This Friday afternoon she texted me that she's wearing a dress and that it needs to be seen in public because she "actually looks okay today" and I text her back that she always needs to be seen because she's too beautiful. And then she texted me back _no_ and then _pick me up at six_.

She's so stubborn.

"You alright?" I ask.

"Fine. Just tired."

"You're always tired."

"Well that's just me, I guess. Still trying to get back on my sleep schedule again."

"Oh God, I forgot." I forget about how terrible things have been for a month or so. Blame it on the stars, but it's that quick that I forget how she couldn't possibly sleep because back then sleeping meant hiding from the pain. I look to her in alarm, that I've triggered some memory or something, but she just shakes her head gently. "It's fine."

I mess up too much. She's so perfect and flawless and I'm so…not.

Every day, at least once, I'm just consumed and awed and in complete adoration of her. Now the stars could be like this every minute of the day and I wouldn't once be astounded because of how…perfect and…I don't know, brilliant. Words fail me. They always do. When it comes to Jess.

She's not reduced to words. I love the way her hair is spread out on the glass and how she plays with her strapless floral print dress and the way she's smiling. I'm in love and that's it. Everything else is overtaken by that love.

I lean over, my thumb lightly brushing her temple. Looking into those jewels she sees through. "You have such pretty eyes…" I whisper.

They're filled with the stars.

She looks content, as I fondle her hair softly, but I know she could be irritated because that stuff still brings back the prison so I stop.

And I pull back and I think she's halfway to falling asleep but I'm not disconnected from her for long. She turns around and loops her arms around my neck and kisses me. It doesn't take me any time to kiss her back. Not some incredible makeout, but my tiny Jess is just pressed against me, and our lips are pressed together, and I hold her tight…

First time she's kissed me.

She comes apart and gently kisses my closed eyelid and lays her head on my chest. And it comes out at the same time to each other, these words lose all previous meaning and are only meant for each other and each other alone…"I love you."

She looks to me with the largest eyes, then the biggest smile, then burying her head in me again.  
I was right. She is made out of stars and more and all things shining…Because I don't know how she could ever be mine but she is.

And I'm so grateful.

**this is how i see jesslene because they are so in love.**


	2. moonlight

**another one. wanted to wait for after aia even though like in two weeks itll be done but i coudnt**

**so the are like 17 maybe? idk. theyve been in the relationship for a long time. and i dont where they are. maybe one of the keepers' houses for a sleepover or their in some room somewhere on the run or maybe in the keep or the apartment. and they just cuddlin cause they so cute when they just cuddlinnn**

**ALSO: charlene and jess both speak french. we know that jess does from book three and we just assume from a headcanon. (turns out me and jor had the same headcanon about this at the same time) (and it's a v important headcanon in the history of fic) (very) (i came up w the ship btw) (no i didnt) and so they speak it to each other a lot cause they are dorks.**  
**and ill just give you a lil bit this time around in this fic (nahhh idt ill do full out conversations like i usually do like the whole fic in french that makes my word doc explode) and maybe like one big sentence but heyyy youll get it.**

**charlene point of view! because my talents include crying and pretending im cuddling with ultimate cutiepie supreme jessica rochelle lockhart (HOW DO YOU LIKE MY MIDDLE NAME SKILLS? I THOUGHT OF IT THREE WEEKS AGO AT 4:27AM AINT IT PRETTY LIKE HER)**

**if i did like a chart or like a percentage of the povs i usually do in jesslene, it would be 98% char, 1.5% jess, .4% 3pov and .1% mandy**

**hello angela! my sister! yes i know you are readin this hi**

**thanks for readin my unreadable a/n yall**

**blame it on the stars**  
**oneshot #2: moonlight**

It's just us.

It's dark and the occasional light leaks in from places I don't bother to notice. I'm just keeping my sight constantly on her.

We're sitting side by side but she's more on me, body slightly turned toward me. I'm brushing my fingers through her hair, and she's got her arms around me, and I can feel her sigh every now and then.

Now she shifts, so she is sitting on my lap, her face up, eyes gazing. Hands on the side of my face, rubbing it with her thumb. "I couldn't imagine life without you."

"Me neither."

She reaches up to kiss me on the cheek. "I want to kiss you in my life for the number of everything. For every drop of water or inch of land or everything we've ever been through. For every word we said. Every star. Every I love you because you and I know we say it a lot. And I don't know these numbers. There are no numbers for some. And so…" she kisses me on the lips, disconnecting only so she can say this: "I'll kiss you forever."

I look behind her and there's a book on the floor. "I'll kiss you for the number of chapters in that book."

"Pages."

"Words."

"Letters." I laugh, kissing her nose.

She's smiling, laying her head on my chest. Having her near me is the best I've felt in a long time. "Je souhaite gue Je pourrais dire de belle choses comme ca pour vous." I wish I could say nice things like that to you. "Je ne sais pais comment les dire." I just don't know how to say them.

"C'est bien," she says. "Your accent when you talk to me in French is…perfect."

I scoff. "Bien sur."

"It's just that, Charlene, you don't need to…even if I was _of_ those words, deserving of those words, _you _are those words. You are the beauty that could possibly come out of those words. _You_ are one to be spoken about. Your beauty resides out of your body and it can be felt even without sight and something magnificent and impossible. Something no one else or nothing else can ever accomplish. You are beyond that, beyond gorgeous, something any word could even_ try_…"

She waits for a while. "You are beautiful and I love you. But it's not because you're beautiful that I love you…you _are_ beauty…do you get me? It has a new meaning. Charlene Victoria Turner _is_ beautiful. I love the warmth that comes from you, when I'm latched onto you or even not. You're just a very warm and a…there-for-me person."

"That's _you_, though."

"No. No, you're just too good, you are such a good person and I'm just…there."

"Couldn't believe that for a second."

She sighs, snaking her arms around me, and I keep one arm around her, almost protectively, but I don't know what I could possibly save her from. Right now, at least. I mean, usually, we're going through some kind of hard thing…it's usually that sadness that harbors in her or something with the OTs. But right now? One perfect moment? One perfect moment only because of her. And I still feel I need to be there, right there, so that she's okay….Okay. Maybe I am devoted to her. That's a good thing. Nothing new. But I still am not…good enough.

Why am I even going on about this in my mind?

Jessica Lockhart has made me think things that I otherwise wouldn't have. Opened my mind. I guess this is just one of those times. She speaks. "This is the last time I'm gonna talk for right now because I'm sure I'm boring you—"

"Never. Never ever. I love you."

"And I'm kinda sleepy too and you know how weird and crazy I get."

"Oh yeah. That's the one time. You start speaking..._Franglish_ and you want sugar you still are a cutie," I say smiling, kissing her head. "You're always so cute and I love you."

"I love you too." She responds. "I love you so much that you have become a part of me and I need you and I depend on you and no matter how much I cling on you won't go…and I'm grateful for that…and I love you…"

"Would never leave."

"I don't know how to say the words in my mind, no matter how they come out to you," she says, and then she's silent and she's asleep very soon. I press my lips to her head and stay connected for a long time. Then I lay my head back, combing back her hair again with my fingers.

Holding her is something I love. In my whole life I couldn't have imagined loving someone this much. And holding her used to be a new feeling and now even after months and knowing that we love each other, the feeling is still new. Something wonderful.

Having her close to me is as close as I can get to seeing those words in her mind. And I think I'm starting to.

**so that was awful, review?**

**every oneshot jess ends up asleep and charlene says "i love her". still cant get a hold of how she feels when shes holding her but i sure can at like 3:23am**


	3. friday night lights (DONT HATE THE TITLE

**dear all of my lovely positive reviewers...thank you! so so much! for all of the support. it really does mean a lot to see so many open-minded people who understand what love is...**

**and for that person who decided to...give me a great laugh with their definitely not surprising review..."woman is made for man"? so woman is made only for man. the only purpose...a man's. now youve accomplished being sexist along with homophobic.**

**mad that im assuming your sexist? well, sorry. im sorry that you assumed the story sucked.**

**and..."les or no?" les or no?**

**what does that even mean?**

**what?**

**blame it on the stars**  
**oneshot 3: friday night lights (im sorry)**

They have tall stands and large football fields at schools. I would know if I got off my butt and went outside and interacted with people. I'm okay with sticking to the paleness and roughness and paper-cut inducing qualities of my drawing pad…but I'm going out into the wild tonight, this dangerously lovely Friday.

"I don't know anybody here. You're stuck talking to me," Mandy remarks, as we march up the silver steps, looking for an empty place to sit (or stand, since no one's really sitting and I don't wanna look lazy. Well. I am.) Or a short enough person to be behind. There's a lot of tall girls. And guys. A lot of tall people in the real world.

"They're all really tall here."

"Thank you. Observant."

Jackson versus Howard. The biggest game of the town. This month. I go to Maitland, and those kids and Howard students tend to be together a lot, so I could maybe find some familiar faces. Explaining my beanie and absence of eyeliner—my best disguise. The noise is loud, immediately irritating me, and colorful (blues for Jackson and Howard oranges). Cheering and jeering and enjoyment. One the field, there's a bunch of identical guys, their shoulders bigger than usual, crashing into each other. Then standing. Waiting. They stand and wait the whole entire time I'm walking up the stands. This isn't a very active game. And the line of twenty or so girls, facing the field, in skirts. Bows so large I can't see the color of their hair.

I don't go to sporting events. I don't go out. But…Mandy suggested we do something, and I mentioned there being the big game tonight, and she mentioned that Charlie cheerleads for the team. (Correct. I knew that full well. _Wonderfully_ aware.) I nodded. As normally as I could. And maybe we can all hang out afterward. Probably not. We're so high up and I won't be able to get even some kind of glimpse at her.

(Do I even want to look at her? Do I want to think about her? I haven't the slightest clue. I know this for certain: I do. But do I _want_ to? Am I accomplishing anything?)

Nothing. I mean, like always.

"You look so conflicted," Amanda states.

"Thank you. Observant."

"It's nothing."

"Exactly. Moody." She's so mean to me sometimes.

A hail arises from the crowd—so booming, it could be happiness and disappointed combined. All the players are at the same end of the field. Something just happened?

Blame it on the Fairlies or on my several incidents of imprisonment or the fact I live asleep or in fear of sleep. But you would think in between all that I would have the desire to be normal and attempt to learn sports. Learn sports? Learn how to sport? Look at me. Amanda calls it cute.

"Slam dunk," she mutters. I laugh. I know that's not what that was. (One thing I'm sure of.)

We must have arrived late to the game. It's a good thirty minutes until it's all done. Amanda will use incorrect terminology for each team gain and I'll scoff. I keep a close eye on the line of cheerleaders…can't spot any difference from any of them. (Do I have that terrible eyesight? I have an artist's eye. I should have the ability to tell them apart. At least…Charlie.)

Some tanned guy spun around at the sound of our laughter and smiled and eye-twinkled and said Hey. Manda nodded. He took a look at me and smiled more. Seemed nice.

Hah.

Howard gloriously mad dashes off the field to the beat of some song that was cleaned extensively for use. I'll be hearing about that in the hallways when they say, like we all don't know it already. And to the few people will tell me—wow, I'm proud of myself—I'll be able to say _Yes! I saw it._

And this is fantastic. The crowd disperses, including the action on the field, and the cheerleaders disappear but Charlene comes out quick, meeting us as we descend from the stands.

"I'm a sweaty mess. I would hug both of you, though," She smiles. I'm somewhere between _Hold me_ and _Don't touch me, I'll get weird_. "You guys showed up! I just got your text."

"For a change," Mandy laughs.

Charlene's face is slightly red from all of the cheering and her hair's a bit frizzy. The blue bow is leaning to the left. She wears a black light jacket, logo for her gymnastics studio in sparkles.

She isn't a mess in the slightest.

She and Manda go off about the game, and I'll nod my head and answer with Yeahs. Here is the thing with me: I am either completely insane and bright or just nothing. Quiet. _Do not speak. _That is basically my approach. Because my words do a lot of good in my brain and they are meant to stay there. It will not come out as it first sounds. I live by that, I guess. In the daytime when I'm not tired.

"All of the Jackson kids are heading to The Frozen Marble. Wanna tag along?" Charlene asks, fingering her water bottle. Catching my eyes. What do I do. What do I do what do I do what do I do what do I do I look away? Yeah. I look away to ask Manda. I shrug my shoulders. I looked away way too fast.

My life consists of wanting to be near her and scared of getting too close. It can't possibly be constant disappointment like this forever. It can't possibly. Amanda has had the roughest time, ever, than anyone on this planet will ever have, and she's found someone.

Well. It isn't official.

They have the imminent event of being official.

"We're gonna head back to the house," Mandy answers. "But thanks."

"Sure. Thanks for coming." She says good night and I wave and try smiling—whoa, there was a smile back. It paralyzes me for a moment- only a moment!- but I let the lingering brightness of her face blow past my head and leave me. Amanda grabs hold of her handbag and we make our way out of the field.

I'm pretty sure I saw this moments before turning my head back to leave—a lowering of Charlie's shoulders as she walked away. Disappointment?

Sure. I'll let that linger in my mind—a little, just enough, because it's a Friday and I interacted with people and it's really dark outside.

"That was eventful."

"Being around excitement exhausts me."

"Talking to Charlie exhausts you?"

Don't take too long to answer. _Do not. _"No."

It's very true. I don't. I could never, ever, ever…

It's still early into the night. There are…possibilities. Not often for me. But some.


End file.
